


Courting Secrets

by Fericita



Series: When All Is Lost [17]
Category: Frozen (Disney Movies), Frozen 2 - Fandom
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-06
Updated: 2020-01-06
Packaged: 2021-02-27 10:21:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,358
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22145575
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fericita/pseuds/Fericita
Summary: “Secrets are the things we give to others to keep for us.” Elbert HubbardAs Agnarr and Iduna grow closer during their courtship, Iduna struggles with how much she can reveal to Agnarr about her past.Thanks @the-spastic-fantastic for the editing and brainstorming and the perfect quote.
Relationships: Agnarr & Iduna (Disney), Agnarr/Iduna (Disney)
Series: When All Is Lost [17]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1571230
Comments: 16
Kudos: 55





	Courting Secrets

Agnarr came to the shop at closing time, greeting Mr. Visser on the way in.

“Good afternoon, King Agnarr. Iduna’s in the back. I’ll go get her.” Mr. Visser turned to walk towards the back of the store, but Iduna had heard the bell on the door and came into the storefront and Agnarr found himself matching her sunny smile.

Agnarr showed her the basket he was carrying with a meal prepared by the kitchen staff. “Minister Wollen suggested I take you on a picnic.”

“Oh? And will Minister Wollen be coming on this picnic?” Iduna tucked her hair behind her ear. She started the day with it in a long braid, but during her work some strands had escaped and Agnarr liked the way it fell around her face.

“No, but my guard will be nearby.” He gestured to where they stood at attention outside of the apothecary. “Discrete, they promise.”

Iduna took his arm, said good-bye to Mr. Visser, and they walked through the Market Square with Agnarr pausing to greet those who wanted to shake the king’s hand. As they left the town proper, they made their way up into the steep hills.

“Where are we going on this picnic? The North Mountain?”

“No, I thought we could go up to the waterfall. There is a nice flat spot there to lay down the blanket for us. For food. We’ll put the food out on the blanket and then sit down on it.” Agnarr was becoming flustered, nervous about their first time together since he had notified the council of his intent to officially court Iduna. He thought that after his confession to her in the woods of his affection for her, their kiss, his finally making his intentions clear, that all would be comfortable in their friendship once more. But this was unexplored terrain, as new to him as kissing her had been. Something he very much wanted to do but wasn’t sure how to do and wasn’t sure how to get right.

They continued their hike in what he hoped she would feel was companionable silence. His hands started to sweat and his grip on the basket grew tighter. He might not know exactly how to behave on this excursion, but he knew dropping all of their food wasn’t a good way to begin.

***

When they eventually sat down with the food spread out, the guard some distance away, Agnarr handed her a plate.

“Take what you’d like!”

They both served themselves from the generous dinner– fruits and cheese, bread and ham.

He tried to think of something clever to say, but it was Iduna who spoke first. And she seemed to also be feeling awkward about their designation as a courting couple. “This feels so strange! I know courting is the time to get to know one another well, but I already know so much about you. I don’t know what to ask, or what to say.”

He smiled at her, trying to help her feel comfortable. “Am I so simple that there is nothing left to learn?”

“Well, then, tell me something about you I don’t know.”

“And then you’ll do the same?”

“Certainly.”

Agnarr cast about, trying to think of something impressive to tell her. An award he’d received maybe? The number of languages he spoke? No, he had already confided in her how he didn’t deserve any of the awards he had been given for the failed Northern Expedition and she already knew how many languages he spoke. He suddenly realized what he could tell her.

“I call you Sunny. As a nickname.”

He could tell she was surprised. She stopped chewing her mouthful of bread and said “I’ve never heard you say that!”

He smiled, enjoying her show of being flustered. “Well I don’t say it out loud. It’s just what I’ve used in my head, when I think about you. You have such a sunny smile, and it makes me happy to see you. It’s like seeing the sun, all bright and cheerful, bringing light to darkness.”

Iduna blushed and he hoped that meant she was pleased. She smiled and he shouted “See! The sun. My Sunny.” As she continued to smile her cheeks turned a deepening shade of red and he asked “Now, what is something I don’t know about you?”

Iduna took a deep breath, her answer coming more quickly than his had. “I didn't know how to read when I started at the academy. Greet taught me. She was a very good teacher, it only took us a few weeks.”

“Or you were a fast learner.”

“Or both.”

Iduna looked at the view from the waterfall, the whole of Arendelle laid in the valley below, the waterfall a pleasant mist in the air. “You’ve done a lot for your kingdom already. I’m very grateful for the academy and for the chance to have a life here. And for the chance to know you.”

Agnarr set his plate down on the blanket, and took her hand. “And I you.”

***

That night in the boarding house, Iduna thought about the waterfall, and how she had swallowed the urge to say “I’m Northuldra.” That was something he didn’t know. But could she ever tell him?

***

From the lighthouse, they could see not only all of Arendelle, but the glittering splendor of the ocean all the way to the horizon. Iduna leaned over the railing, pushing her face into the wind, delighting in the feel. She missed her wind spirit and liked the chance to experience the echo of its embrace.

She thought about saying _I showed you how to play with the wind in my forest– the wind spirit tossed us both in the air, and we laughed and you bowed to me and I wish you could remember it too._ Instead, she said “I like the feel of the wind. It feels like a friend.”

Agnarr stood next to her, covering his hand with hers. “I’ve noticed that about you. That you like the wind. Whenever we sailed you would lean in to the wind, just like you’re doing now.”

“Hmmm. Then I suppose that can’t count as something you don’t know. I’ll think of something else. But your turn. You tell me something.”

“If I wasn’t king, I would want to be a sailor. Exploring the seas, seeing new lands. Kings don’t often travel to new places though we do meet people from new lands. When I’m in the sailboat or even the rowboat, I love that feeling of freedom.”

Agnarr brought her hand up to his mouth, and kissed it. “But I wouldn’t want to travel without you.”

He looked into her eyes, and began to lean in close. He watched her lips as she formed the words “You were my first kiss.” Then, shyly, “I like when you kiss me.”

He pressed his mouth against hers, the softness of her lips and the warmth of them better than akvavit.

He pulled back so he could see her eyes again and said “That’s another thing I already knew,” and kissed her smiling mouth with his matching laughter.

***

Agnarr took her inside the clock tower, showing her the gears and the moving dancers that came out to announce the hour. Each time they met, each time they had an official courting outing, he felt less nervous taking her hand. Less awkward. Until eventually it felt natural and calming to be touching her, a balm on a weary day, a shared joy on a good one. Now he had his arm around her shoulders, his other hand pointing to the gears and features of the clocks.

“These dancers were modeled after my grandfather’s sisters. So I was told, anyway. They died before I was born so I don’t know if it’s a good likeness.”

Iduna leaned into his shoulder, and stayed silent for a while. “Are we still sharing things we don’t know about each other? “

“If you’d like.” He stopped pointing and moved his hands so they were positioned like dancers, his hands on her waist and holding her hand, her arm on his shoulder and hand in his.

“I'm afraid I don’t know what my mother looks like anymore. It’s been so long since I’ve seen her. Sometimes I can remember, and sometimes I can’t.” She leaned into him, putting her cheek on his chest, and his arms came around her in a hug.

Agnarr stroked her back, wishing he had adequate words to tell her how much he wished to carry her sorrow for her. “I’m so sorry you lost your family. I’m so sorry you are far from them. But I am glad you are here. I’m glad you chose Arendelle to be your home.”

She spoke quietly, her voice muffled against his jacket. “Your friendship is why I didn't leave Arendelle.”

“That makes us about even then. I started the academy partly so I could see you again. I bet that’s something you didn’t know. ”

***

When he bade her goodnight at the door to the boarding house as the clock struck ten, Iduna thought of the words she kept from leaving her tongue when they were still in the clocktower. 

_My brother Duvka brought me a toy with gears like this clock once._

_I tried to return home to him and my family but I couldn’t get through the mist._

_The day I first noticed that clock tower in the Market Square was the first time I saw you after leaving you at the castle gates._

_And you didn’t remember me._

***

After her riding lesson, Iduna was surprised to see Agnarr in the stables.

“Don’t you usually have a council meeting at this time?” She pulled off her gloves and wiped her forehead with them. It was sweaty work learning to ride a horse.

“We just finished. And I thought of something else you don’t know about me that I could show you here.”

“Oh?” She smiled at his raised eyebrows and playful expression.

“Yes. Lt. Mattias used to bring me here to play hide and seek. He told me it was a good skill for a soldier-in-training to have, which is what I always begged him to treat me as.”

“And how is it that you play this game?”

“I count to thirty and you find a place to hide. Then I come find you. One. Two. Three – “

Iduna shrieked and ran off, already determined to beat Agnarr. She squeezed into a small space underneath a saddle rack and turned towards the wall, biting her gloves to keep from laughing. She wondered what Minister Wollen would think of Hide and Seek as a courting activity.

It seemed less than thirty seconds before Agnarr grabbed her from behind, pulling her out from her spot “I won! I found you! It was easy, nothing in the stables smells as good as you.”

She playfully pushed him, pointing towards the stalls. “My turn now!”

She began to count, covering her eyes with her gloves. When she reached thirty, she began walking through the stables, thinking that with his tall frame and red hair, it wouldn’t be hard to find him. She was looking in the feed cupboard when he stuck his head out of a stall, shouting “Oh Sunny!” She ran to it, but he was already at the adjacent one, shouting “Here, Sunny!” Soon she was doubled over in laughter as he kept appearing in different stalls, the mystified horses whinnying and stepping lively near him.

“Come back out here before a horse kicks you!” she laughed.

Agnarr opened the stall door and grinned triumphantly. “You called mercy. I think that means I won.”

Iduna nodded in agreement. “I suppose you win this round. But I learned to ride pretty quickly. I’m sure I’ll get better at this too.”

They walked out to a bench outside of the stables, and sat down, Iduna enjoying the shade after her lesson in the sun. She turned towards him and asked “Do you still miss him a lot?”

Agnarr’s smile faded and he said. “I do. I loved Lt. Mattias very much. I admired him and wished to be like him. He was so patient with me, never made me feel like I was just his assignment. I know you’ve heard me talk about him before, but what I’ve never admitted aloud is that I miss him more than I miss my father. I was sorry my father died, and I do miss him. But he could be scary. When he was angry, I would hide from him. I think Lt. Mattias saw that and tried to turn it into a game.”

“It sounds like he taught you a lot of useful things.”

“He did. He also told me that you have to remember your loved ones talking. Remember something they always used to say or a conversation you had with them. And then you’ll actually remember their voice, and you’ll never really forget it. A voice might not be as good as a face, but it’s something to hold onto. So I do that with him. I try to remember what he said and the stories he told, and it makes him feel real.”

He picked up her hand and squeezed it. “The portrait I had commissioned of him, you remember, the one I showed you when you first saw the library?”

Iduna nodded, she remembered being awed by the sheer number of books, and delighted that she could read any of them at Agnarr’s invitation. And she remembered the solemn way he had told her about his personal guard and how he had been lost on the Northern Expedition. It had sent a shiver up her spine, a cautionary warning that being from Northuldra was still not a safe thing as long as Arendelle mourned their missing.

“I had that portrait made after he was gone. I described him to the painter, and some others who knew him well did too. Halima and some of the guards who stayed behind. And the painter got his likeness so well, I can’t believe he’d never seen him. So I thought we could try that with your mother. If you wanted to describe her, what you remember, the painter could make a portrait, and then you would be able to see it and remember her face always.”

Iduna leaned her head on his shoulder, a rush of affection at his thoughtfulness making it hard to speak. “Yes, I would like that.” Then, trying to dampen the emotions that threaten to overwhelm her, she cleared her throat. “I owe you something you don’t know yet about me.” She thought of another gift he had given her, and smiled. “The golden mortar and pestle you got me as a gift when I started at Mr. Visser’s was completely impractical, bordering on the ridiculous, completely unusable, and I love looking at it every day and thinking of your generosity.”

“I didn’t know gold was malleable! I thought a precious metal would be a good substance for a mortar and pestle! And besides, you’ve already told me that.”

The both laughed, and when a servant called them inside to eat dinner, Iduna thought about her mother and how she might still be alive, but with the mist closed, she would never know.

***

Iduna gathered her papers at the end of the council meeting on public health, determined not to let Dr. Wagner’s ill humor bother her. Just because he didn’t see the sense in washing fruit before it was eaten didn’t mean it wasn’t sensible. Agnarr put his hand on her shoulder and said “Come on, there’s something I want to show you.”

Iduna followed, and then stopped in surprise as he took off his boots, placing them in the doorway. “Here’s something you’ve never seen me do. Ever since I was little, I liked to skate down these long hallways in my stocking feet. It’s especially satisfying after a frustrating council meeting, which I believe we just experienced.”

Iduna gave a snort and took off her shoes as well. “Is it a race?”

Agnarr grinned. “It could be.”

They began sliding down the hall, pushing their feet against the just-polished wood, and Iduna loved the satisfying feel of her feet slipping on the floor. It was like the wind spirit was pushing her along. She laughed and Agnarr laughed but neither of them slowed down enough before they got to the end of the hallway, and they ended up in a heap of arms and legs and stockinged feet, their laughter echoing down the empty hall.

***

They sat at the top of the tallest castle tower, eating dessert and drinking glogg. The moonlight lit the stained glass in a way that reminded Iduna of the northern lights. She wondered if that’s what the architect had in mind.

“I don’t think I’ve learned something new about you today, Sunny,” Agnarr said, offering a piece of chocolate to Iduna.

Iduna looked down at the castle, to a balcony she recognized as the one where Agnarr had given her a necklace on his eighteenth birthday.

“I left your birthday ball early because I couldn’t stand to see you dance with those women, so perfect in their gowns and their titles and their money.” She tried to keep her voice light, to make it seem like a joke.

Agnarr seemed to understand, and kept his answer light as well. “You didn’t miss much. I accidentally called Lady Alexsandra by your name and she…did not like it. But it did save me the trouble of having to let her down gently later.”

They kept eating, and as Iduna cuddled closer to Agnarr, she had the urge to tell him about the first time he met her in the northern forest. _The first time I told you my name you called me Lady Iduna._

***

Agnarr and Iduna walked hand in hand over the bridge, Agnarr excitedly telling her about the construction, how it was the first project completed by academy graduates, and how it heralded a new era in Arendellian technical achievement. She liked hearing the pride in his voice, the joy he took in the accomplishments of others. And her thoughts to turned to what she couldn’t say.

_I remember the dam your people built for mine. A project that was supposed to bring peace._

_If I told you who I was, would you still be happy to be here with me?_

Instead she squeezed his hand and said “Did you know that when we were younger, Eir told me I had to stop holding your hand? She said it would give me a deplorable reputation that would never be unsullied.”

Agnarr turned to hold her other hand as well. “I always wondered why you stopped. I’m glad we can hold hands again now.”

***

Sitting on the castle rooftop, eating sandwiches and waiting for the northern lights to wake up the sky, Iduna breathed in the salty air and wished the breeze would pick up. Feeling the wind made her calm, and she craved that feeling. The longer she sat there, the closer she and Agnarr got to an engagement that everyone from Mr. Visser to Eir to Greet to the kitchen servants told her was imminent, the more she wanted to tell him the things he didn’t know about her that might really matter.

_The first time I saw you you were lost in the woods, helping a sheep, and right away I could tell you were kind._

_I saved you from the battle._

_When the trolls found us, I was worried they were harming you but I was too scared to do anything. They told me you might never remember, and I’m both afraid you will and afraid you won’t._

_I brought you to the castle and then ran in the shadows so no one would find me. Sometimes I worry no one ever will._

_I have a shawl that my grandmother made. Her name is Elsa. I miss her._

_I want you to know who I am, but I’m afraid._


End file.
